My Conservative 10 Year-Old Sister

me: Wanna listen to some Martha Wainwright?

her: Who's Martha Wainwright?

me: My favorite singer.

her: Never heard of her. (pause) My favorite singer is the woman who sings "Jesus Take the Wheel."





It isn't her fault, really. In fact, it's partly mine. For whatever reason, the kid loves me, and I haven't made the time to spend enough q.t. with her. It was only about a year and a half ago that she asked me what "drunk" meant. She lives in a bubble of ignorance, and I really must take more responsibility for pulling her out of it.

She's going to school with me tomorrow. She's the same age as the kids in my class, and we're going on a field trip to see "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever." This will be her first time stepping foot in a public school. She's nervous as hell. I can't say I blame her. Everything the kid has learned, she's learned from television. I've told her to relax and that it'll be a great experience for her. Say a prayer for her. She'll be thankful you did.

Leslie Hall Rocks My World

Exhibit A:



and B:

Six Weird Things

I was tagged to do to complete a meme by a MySpace friend. I thought I'd post it here too. The meme says:

so, if you get this, repost in your blog the 6 weird things about yourself, and then tag 6 more friends. let them know. here are the official rules passed to me: Tag Rules: Once you've been tagged you have to write a blog about yourself with "six weird habits/things about yourself." At the end you need to choose 6 people you want to tag and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment that says you've been tagged to tell them to read your blog.

I had to think pretty hard, because, believe me, there's plenty of "weird" when it comes to me. I kept scratching things out saying, "too much information." Nonetheless, I give you six weird things:

1) When I was a kid, I had really strange habits. I snapped my fingers when I walked, I made these weird grunting sounds when I was watching tv, I blinked my eyes repeatedly, if I touched something with one hand I had to touch it with the other hand...etc. I now think it was a mild form of autism. I don't think I do them anymore.

2) I make up my own disorders. I tell people I have a verbal processing disorder because I have a really hard time retelling things aloud. I don't tell a lot of stories unless I'm really comfortable with people, and even then it's hard. I even struggle explaining what happened in a television show the night before.

3) I thought I was a hardcore republican until I was in my early 20s. Then, I thought I was a "middle of the roader." I remember feeling offended by Ann Coulter's comment that people who were "middle of the road" had the IQ of a toaster. Now, Ann Coulter can suck my dick. I'm so far left, that Gore can't see me. I'm not about partisanship at all. My views on things are more liberal than most liberals. I'm just about not hurting people. Not many politicians are with me on that.

4) I'm almost positive that time travel is possible. I've seen Somewhere in Time so many times in the past month that I might have it memorized. I know it's incredibly cheesy, but I'm hooked. I also think everyone has untapped resources, especially in the brain. I'm sure there's a lot we can do that we don't know about.

5) I know every word to Vanilla Ice's Ice Ice Baby. Don't believe me? [Click Here.]

6) I am a walking oxymoron. I'm an optimist, but I'm very analytical. I have a very wacky sense of humor, but I'm very complex. This makes me really hard to get to know.

*I'm not going to tag anyone, but if you want to do it, please do, and leave me a comment so I can come read it :).