Under Siege

It’s been a rough few days. As they say “When it rains, it pours”. It’s during those times that we do the most introspection and are most malleable and primed for pruning and self-improvement.

Nowadays, I’m generally confused about the most important things in life. Reared in an environment where spirituality was like food and air and ministry was what we looked forward to in our future, I never thought there would come a time in my life when things were so confusing and hard to think about that I’d become calloused from pushing things to the back of my mind and completely out of my heart.

Entering the strange life of higher education affected me. Because I learned so much more than the materials taught inside a class, I felt, as I think many who push past the ideologies they’re born into in search of “truth”, a bitter mixture of empowerment and confusion. As a result, I let go of my former creed of trying to embody love and kindness and adopted a “fuck you” attitude.

Despite my own religious confusions, I want to note that; the God I know and once felt such a kinship with reminds me what I consider some true benefits of striving to be more like Him and less like me. Those are:

My nature is self-seeking; His nature is giving and unconditional love.
I am flawed; He is perfect.
My plans may fail; His paths are always best.
I run out of energy; He has an endless supply.