Oh God!

I was born into a religious home. "We're 'spiritual' not 'religious'" they would say, but religion it was. I thought we were "radical" Christians. We were charismatic in a town where everyone else was Baptist. We went to Christian rock concerts. We really pushed the limits.

I'm 28 next month. Three years ago when asked what was most important to me in life, I literally answered, "To live a life that's a Christian example." Now, I think, "What the hell did I mean by that?"

To my closest friends I've justified my questions for the past few years by blaming higher ed. I've explained away how being around so many free thinkers and people from different backgrounds has made me question everything I ever thought I knew. It is true that others have forced me to think critically about my former foundations of belief, but it's time I own up to it myself. Truth is, I'm glad God put me in a place where She knew I'd have to start thinking for myself.

I've tried to reassure my Christian friends that "I think this time of questioning is necessary, but I'll come out stronger in my faith in the end." I think I'm just now admitting that I'm coming out stronger, but not in the way perhaps they'd hoped.

I'm not giving up on God. I think God represents a whole lot of good that I don't want to give up faith in. What I refuse to do anymore, however, is to continue to ignore the absurdities. Some of those absurdities include:

-The idea that there is one uber belief when there is so much diversity in the world.
-The idea that God is love, but we should dislike homosexuals, weird hairdos, and people of other cultures and religions.
-The idea that the Bible makes any sense and doesn't contradict itself.

Julia Sweeney did a piece on This American Life called Letting Go of God, an honest description of her own struggles with questioning God. I think anyone who has had to think themselves past their own roots would understand some of the things she talks about. (Hear it in quicktime at onegoodmove.)

Also interesting is a new blog called Bare Naked Christian Ladies. I can appreciate the attempt these Christian ladies are making to step outside the box of stereotypical Christians. Although they too are steeped in their own dogma, I thought the attempt was noteworthy. I may not be sure about the Christian part, but I do want to be naked. I believe in the merit of honesty.