Please Send Love

Also Titled...Desperate Plea for Encouragement
(Please send caffine...and cookies if you've got em.)

I am deperately trying to write this dissertation, but I'm about nutso. I'm totally hyped up on caffine and have no idea how I will sleep tonight. I've been writing all day and I have to get up and teach tomorrow. Then, I come home and write. Then, I get up and teach. Then, I come home and write. Then, I get up and teach. Well, you get the picture. My brain hurts. Do they make band-aids for brains?

Love you much,
Megan the Weary



p.s. I'm sorry that I haven't been reading your blogs lately (except for monkey who seems to have this binding spell over me). I've thought about you. I also kind of love you, and I'll read blogs again one day. I might even start writing a few...later.

Dammit!

i just saw the preview for Running With Scissors. i was planning on reading that book next. i didn't know they were making a movie. of course, i can wait until the movie comes out on video to watch it, but i've now already seen the people who play the characters. now, when i read it, i won't be able to picture my own people. i like picturing my own people. the funny thing is, when the preview came on, i was like, "wow, that movie is the shit," then i was like, "nooooooo!" i suppose it's my fault for being so behind on pleasure reading.

if you've already read the book and want to read about the movie click here.

i <3 fall

I love Fall. The only bad thing about Fall is that it doesn't last very long. I don't so much like that I've gotten terribly wet today. I like the rain, just not on me. I especially like the rain on a tin roof. When I was about 13, we lived in a house my parents designed and we all helped build. My mom specifically designed that tin roof, and it was right under my bedroom. It was good to be inside when it rained. I love the newness of the cool weather and the colors of the leaves and the spookiness of October and the thought of hanging in with family or friends, making sweet stuff and watching movies. I even like the super cheesy Halloween kids movies on the Disney channel.


Also...upon several recommendations, I have fallen into a good book: "The Time Traveler's Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger. In the little time I have for reading over break, I am devouring it (albeit at my very slow reading pace). Perhaps if I could get this time traveling down, I could have all the time I needed for cuddling in bed with a book and my cat, Harriet curled in a ball at my feet.

Well...Happy Fall to All.

Zazie, Queen of Awesome

Zazie - Toc toc toc 05
Uploaded by joe54

Zazie pretty much broke my Awesome Meter with her fabulousness. I thought you should meet her.

A Friend's Interpretation

i must, must, must post my genius friend, make up your mind, hamlet, aka not_lizzie's interpretation of my dream that i posted on Sept. 24th. he is very insightful...

I make no claims to be a professional or even an amatuer dream interperter. But, not having the ability to do something has never stopped me before. So, here goes: Meeting somebody at 3:30 in the morning represents uncertainty. This of course is operating on the premise that you usually don't meet someone at such a time. What is 3:30 a.m. Is it late at night? Or is it early in the morning? It's an uncertain time of day depending on perspective. The men with guns are the personfication of potential failure. You go into a situation with uncertainty and look the danger of failure in the face. We all know there is no escaping this potential failure but it never stops us from trying to escape. The kind, nice looking cop represents every good archetypical character in your life that has ever at the very least tried to help you. But, of course there is nothing that can be done. The several other people in this dream possibly symbolize the assortment of friends you have. You clearly have an innate sense of community (which is a good thing). To me, it represents that you recognize the empathy your friends have with you. Could the old people possibly represent the eldere hieracrchy of your university? Not sure, I guess I would have to know you better. Perhaps you have had moments of highs and lows when you felt things looked optimistic when seeking the counsel of a friend only to have those hopes dashed by being "re-abducted"....

Of course, I am actually not surprised that you would see "yourself". I'm guessing your subconcious perceived the changes you are going through as a "clone". That was another potential 'you'. A 'you' that will be born out of this stress experience you are going through.....

The only thing I have to add is....you are not going to be killed. The new 'you' will be born through perserverance. Obviously you have an incredibly active imagination chock full of creativity and it applied itself in overdrive on the images streaming from your sub concious. Our subconcious is after all according to Carl Jung nothing more than our environment filtered through our senses.

I think there was the scary revelation of the rebirth of the GrandPoo of Awesome 2.0

i'm feeling much better. i was so incredibly stressed last week that everything felt fucked up. along with my dissertation, things at school are crazy. administrators are always being pushed to enforce the lasted new trend in education. the problem is that the lastest new trend isn't the latest at all, it just alternates back and forth between two fundamentally opposite approaches every few years. so, we get used to teaching one way, then they want us to do something completely different.

as for my dissertation, i met with my professors friday and took them 28 pages of chapter 4. they were happy. i can breathe a little now, but not too much. it's gonna be pretty hectic until december 16th. i've accepted that.

i've actually had time this weekend to think and to think creatively...oh yeah, and to obsess. last night i obsessed over time travel again. the first time i obsessed over time travel was after i watched the butterfly effect. it was a weird situation though: i didn't know anything about that movie until i watched it. the week before i saw the movie i had this dream:

"i was looking at my kindergarten class photo, which is here by the way, when i was transported into that day. i called myself out of the photo and hugged my five-year-old self."

now, keep in mind, i had not seen the butterfly effect. i was dog-sitting for one of my professors a week later and he had rented that movie from netfix. so, of course, i watched it and was totally freakedthefuck out. i read all about time travel theories. since then, i've always believed there must be some way that time travel is possible. last night, i watched somewhere in time with christopeher reeves and jane seymore. yes, the acting was cheesy, but it still renewed my obsession. after the movie, i read about john titor who, back in 2000, claimed to be a time traveler from 2036. he had (and still has) a whole lot of believers. many discount him now because he claimed that a civil war would break out in the US in 2004 and that there would be no olympic games after 2004 (neither of which are correct.) it's still pretty interesting.

last night i had all kinds of dreams. one was so hilariously funny that i actually woke up laughing. that hasn't happened in so long. there's no way i could adequately explain it, but it involves a male friend of mine in a leotard with sparkles and a white painted face with lots of make-up. i wish i could have taken a picture of my mind to show. waking yourself up by laughing is really a pretty great way to wake up :).

i'm still obsessed with martha wainwright's music. it's like my life has a playlist of her songs constantly streaming in my mind. i've really tried to listen to some other stuff. lately i've been listening to the postal service. i love, love, love them. if you like them, you might also like the shins. i was actaully a shins fan before finding the postal service.

if you read all this, consider me very impressed. i hope you're having a super day! i plan to. :)